wow, I havn’t written in a while. I guess that I just have been holding things in to much these days.
Maybe I am just being selfish, but sometimes it seems like nobody cares about me. Nobody cares wheether I’m hurt or upset, nobody cares about the stupid things that go on in my stupid life. Maybe it’s because they seem small. Maybe they see there lives as worse. Maybe it’s true. But it’s not always easy being the happy, rich, annoying, white girl. I’m the same as those with less money, and I dont want money to be a factor. I have friends with lots of stuff and only the littlest stuff, and doesn’t matter! But I guess i can be steriotyped, and I am. By the way I dress, and the way I act. Truly, I can’t just speak out about how I feel easily, because often, I am teased or pushed aside. Up until Graceanns, I was a cry baby. I cried because I was upset and I tried to tell people they made me upset when they treated me a certain way. Soon, everyone was just careful what they said so they would not set me off. I didn’t notice I was practically useing them till this one day. In Graceann’s, We played games with little toys and blocks. Something happend, I don’t remember what, and soon the whole room was in arguement. Because it was so hurtful, to hear people saying things like that to eachother, I started to cry. Suddely, someone said “Hey everyone stop look at Audrey!” I could have just made everything stop and got things going how I wanted them to. But I didn’t. Insted I just ran away and after that, I tried to find a way not to cry. I figured out that a smile blocks a lot. I could be in a depression and no one would notice. (Dont worry im not) But I dont cry anymore, at least not often. I cry when I am phisically hurt, or if I do not block a hurtful thing with a smile. Now I am careful not to let out my feelingsas easily. Even to close friends. Because even now I have close friends who either change the subject or laugh when I am sad. All I need is someone who listens, and cares, and trys hard to be a good friend.
Ok whoever is reading this (That means no one) probably thinks I am a whining dweeb. I’m just getting stuff off my chest about how I cant have friends because I am just annoying and probably socailly challenged. I wonder if I am?
